| Will Wallingford
NeoPhoenixTE (NeoPhoenix The Eternal)
Technical Operations Management
Northern Colorado, United States
Computer games, computer and network maintenance,
I have always been described as eccentric, as different from the norm, for my entire life. From childhood to present day, I stand out in my own little way.
I was raised by both of my natural parents, and they are still happily married, thus sparing me from one of life's pitfalls. However, I was born an only child. I had trouble making friends when I was a child due to my lashing out at others after being attacked in kindergarten. During middle school I recovered, lowering my guard to let others in (as well as let some others kick me again). I graduated high school, went to a community college (suffering brief isolation due to the nature of a community college), and then finally arriving at the University of Northern Colorado. There I was allowed to mingle with people my age, rebuilding myself (and my social skills) along with refining myself into who I am really meant to be in life. Upon graduation, I've taken what I became in college and focused on it. True, there are many things I still have to learn in life, but I suppose that's what keeps life interesting.
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
During my time in high school, I had found the internet as a refuge, and it is there I would hide for hours on end to escape harsh reality. It had worked, but had turned me even more reclusive. Thankfully, I found a balance during community college, along with the help of a therapist named Donna. She had helped me to find out that I had Adult ADD, as well as helped me to discover the 'other half' of myself. My heart and soul so to speak, whose name I've known for most of my life. Kit, the part of me who leads by heart and emotion (while giving me a fatal weakness to cute things), and serves as a balance within me. The light to my own shadow. This 'fragment' couldn't technically be considered another personality. But I cannot ignore the fact that this part of myself is stronger than any mere emotion and grows stronger over time as a delicate balance is maintained within me. Though, there have been very rare moments where I cannot remember what happenned for a brief period of time, leaving me to believe that Kit does have the ability to fully manifest for brief periods of time for some odd reason or another. All the more reason to try to stay out of my head as I'm afraid you may get hurt. The balance with "Kit" is a delicate one I maintain every day, and she has helped defined who I am. While I still burn time on the internet, I have found a place for myself in the real world, achieving balance both internally and externally.
"That's why I am here. You give me strength, and now I know that I am not alone.."
On the outside, I'm a card-carrying geek who has found his place in the world working with computers and technology, as well as helping others. On the inside, I manage my own world the best I can while being hesitant to invite others into that world of mine. I am often a very trusting person in my naiveness and desire to be able to trust people. However, life has taught me to be most hesitant around many new people, place, or thing. I have a very active imagination. Sometimes it creates gentle things, while it can also create scary things.
I am not an aggressive person nor am I a go-getter. I am the type of person who'll eat one thing on his plate at a time before moving onto the next thing (both figuratively and literally). I will sit there and examine things like a curious animal before I jump to a conclusion, let alone react (short of fight or flight instincts).
Despite all the thinking (and worrying) I do, I still try to be the person you can talk to. I tell others that if I don't make one person laugh every day, then I feel like I haven't done my job in life. I like being able to bring happiness to others. I like to listen to music and watch TV. I like to experience the emotion in something I see or hear. I'm the computer geek that'll sit and watch a sunset for the sake of seeing something beautiful. I'm the type of person who's not afraid to cry during something emotional, despite the male stereotype of never crying at anything. I suppose that's what happens when you have a delicate balance between two halves to maintain.
Everyone is looking for a reason to exist. Mine is through the good feelings of others. Sometimes I even put others above myself. I'm still learning this whole "living" thing, and I will still be learning it to the day I die.
"Life goes on, and so shall I"